Sebel tapi Sayang

Kaya gitu tuh gue sama temen-temen gue: sebel2 sayang, bete2 kangen, gedek2 butuh, murka2 care... Paradoks yang ngga ada habis2nya. Mungkin bawaan sifat dasar gue yang emang belum pernah 100% sayang tanpa ada unsur gedeknya, ato 100% benci tanpa ada unsur pedulinya. Kadang-kadang, kalo abis murka ama temen2 gue, gue suka sumpah serapah: ngga lagi2 deh gue temenan ama mereka, ngga lagi2 deh gue cerita apa2 ama mereka. But, at the end of the day, ketika api amarah gue sudah padam, gue bakal balik lagi temenan ama mereka. Kekekek...

Hari ini gue dapet kartu "STAR" dari temen2 gue. Mereka ini yg paling sering gue amukin sebelum ujian gue (selaen ade gue, tentunya) dan yg paling ngeh juga kayanya betapa blink blink nya gue setelah gue lulus. Don't know whatta say but a bunch of thanks for bearing my sometimes unbearable attitude and a big big hug (from this small small lady) for the friendship that has always been offered to me.

--and thanks for the bag... buat nepal... yippppiiiiiiii---
masih mellow, abis buka plastik merah dr febre, rite, n berte

A Reason

I woke up this morning with a sense of helplessness. Just feel that everything's wrong, that nothing can get me excited these days. Walking to my office -the one that I still can't make myself feel comfortable with- I had this thought of gratefulness. It's a long long time the last day I truly offer my prayers with sincere gratefulness. Then I said this simple prayer: "will you give me a reason to be grateful today? me, the long lost child still searching the right way home to my heavenly father..."

And He answered me right away. He, the one I often denied when things get unbearable and disapointment get insufferable, answered my simple ungrateful prayer offered in the most unacceptable way. I check my e-mail and have this e-mail I've been waiting since yesterday saying:

Congratulations! You passed the 2007 Financial Risk Manager^® Examination.

Man!!! I passed my exam and soon have the right to add the magic "FRM" stuff behind my name!!! Since I know for sure that I'm not that smart, not that hardworker person people always assume me to be... then... well... then this is more than a reason to be grateful.


A shame on me, asking for a reason to be grateful while he always supplies me with everything I should have always been grateful for. Can't say better words than a mere thanks to my beloved Jesus: thanks for my life, for my beloved ones, for getting me safe and sound through  it all, for helping me passing this exam (I know this exam means nothing to you, Lord, but you understand that it means a lot to me, don't you?). Thanks to my beloved sister: you're always there, sist, how can I not love you? can't believe you're 5 years younger than me, feel like you're my older sister sometimes:D. Thanks to my mama: there's always a prayer for me, right, mama? Thanks to my friends in the office: you're the ones who had to suffer the worst of me, eh?

And finally, yes it all comes back to you, lord, for the glory of your name.

--lagi mellow.... gue udah nyaris punya FRM designation!!!!--

degdegdegdeg

sial sial.... gue deg degan setengah idup nungguin hasil ujian gue. di web dibilang bakal dikirim by e-mail tanggal 16 januari. lah ini, udah tanggal 16 januari jam 5.49, masih belum ada tanda2. tidakkah mereka tau resah dan gelisahnya gueeeeeeeeeee???? ga konsen nyiapin materi buat trening, ga tenang mikirin kerjaan yg numpuk2 ga ada abisnya. duuuu padahal kan news alert versi 16 januari (dikirim oleh pihak yg sama dgn yg ngadain ujian) udah gue terima dari 20 menit lalu.

huhuhuuuuu. gue deg degan....